So when friends asked me to elaborate on why as an Asian woman who doesn’t like to date Asian men, a part of me felt obliged to tell my story and thoughts on this matter.
For the record, I’ve dated Asian men before – Cambodian, Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Korean, and Filipino. You name it. It’s not that I don’t find Asian men attractive, because I do, sometimes. But for me, it’s one of those experiences where it is a “been there, done that” and you’re seeking something new and fresh.
Here is a simple analogy: I used to be obsessed with Passion Green Tea in high school – it was my go-to. After adventuring to many boba shops and exposed to a variety of flavors, my taste palette developed and expanded. Now in recent years, I’m all ’bout that Taro Milk Tea.
That is precisely where I am.
To argue against the societal myth that they (Asian men) are incapable of having emotion, maybe this is embedded in the general Asian culture where we do often lack emotional intelligence. However, there are a few who defy the so-called “stereotype.” I’ve dated Asian men who were more romantic than I expected – more than I was (and I’m totally a romantic-type), and woo’ed the shit out of me. So there is such thing about Asian men having emotion and being affectionate!
Asian men are often labelled as effeminate, meaning they are not “manly” enough. This has to do with gender roles, and frankly, the lines have blurred between what is considered masculine and feminine in my point of view. I am tired of this gender roles bullshit, too.
As far as the penis size – sizes vary as it would for all men. The color of your skin does not justify how enormous or tiny your penis is.
So Dear Society, shut the fuck up and quit shoving these myths about each race in the media and our minds.
What drew the line for me when it came to dating Asian men was the different mindsets we have. The morals and beliefs didn’t align, and this is certainly important to me. As you all know, I am a woman of many strong opinions and just the way I carry myself.
Similar to stereotypes of Asian men, Asian women has a set of their own – being submissive, delicate, and often labeled as “exotic” by Western (and Asian Societies). I challenge what you call “normal Asian girl.” I have known this growing up, but did not know how to vocalize and articulate how I was not similar amongst my Asian-American women, then.
But to my point, I later discovered not only Asian men, but some men in general, cannot handle a women who obtained a set of modern ideals and vocalize them, passionately.
There will be certain men (traditional values, big penis, effeminate) in all races, so why did we specifically target Asian men? It is all so stupid.
So, to answer your question to why I don’t date Asian men – I’ve explored the Boba menu and right now, Taro Milk Tea is my jam.
Those are my thoughts. Happy Friday!
Tiff + Adriana, if you are reading this – hope I didn’t spoil our Sunday convo, but will be more happy to hash out dirty details over dimsum (;
Edit: June 18, 2016
A friend pointed out that I stereotyped Asian men as “traditional.” I had to reread what I wrote, and ultimately, I did. I am sorry about that – I ended up contradicting myself as opposed to what I was here to do – defy stereotypes.
But this goes back to the original theme of this post – everyone, every race, can be this-or-that and not solely Asians.
Thank you all so much for reading!