ummm, hard pass

October 8, 2017

Last week, there was this reoccurring message that kept surfacing, and it made me think about what’s really happening –

NYMag published a piece about saying no. The Thrive Global also shared a piece about saying “no.”

And it got me thinking about my life and how many times I say “no.” I used to be the Yes Woman, and I was down for a lot of things. It was part of my intense yet easy-going personality in my early twenties. However, a shift happened…

I began to say “no” because the social engagements did not benefit me nor did I have the resources (money and time). I began to say no because I had responsibilities the next day. I began to say no because self-care was more important than to stay up to 4am aimlessly drunk.

Learning to say no and passing on events eventually got easy. It was the guilt that followed by a “no” or the “I feel bad if I don’t show face” that needed to be practiced. Though I have written about being unapologetic about who I am and what I want, I struggled to find the difference in this scenario.

If I don’t want to go out, then I shouldn’t feel bad, yet I did? Why? I am tired of hearing people, myself included, saying, “But I feel bad.” Why?

It is all baffling sorta.

So yeah, I’ve mastered with saying no or “hard pass” to family and friends. Now, I am learning to be unapologetic about my decision. It is going to take some effort and extra practice to cultivate this lack of emotion and be firm on my decisions when I pass on things, but all doable – I fucking hope.

While I am on this side of saying no, and if I am on the receiving end – when people reject me. I will not trouble them with the “why not” or “Come on.” I have to respect peoples’ decisions, too. It goes without saying, right? But I think we often forget to think of being in the other person’s shoes…

Anyway, just some weekend thoughts. Closing this post with some much needed positive energy:

“If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.”

 

I know it’s totally irrelevant to the overall story I just wrote about, but I need to type this and to remind myself this for personal reasons. Side bar – I also recommend you all to read the NYmag link I shared. It is quite noteworthy, and you all know I love sharing great reads.

xo.

PS: thank you, Tiffany for having this convo with me and helping me process out loud. Love you<3

to closing doors

September 11, 2017

So, I quit my job.

The job that I randomly fell into and rode out for almost a year – yeah, that job. It is crazy how the Universe will answer your asks and prayers (when you work diligently).

I wasn’t happy. I was that broken record who played the same verse, all the damn time.

Last year, around this time, I was let go due to embarrassing and unfortunate circumstance… I took the opportunity because I thought maybe, just maybe, I can do this. I did slay, of course, but I told myself, that I will be a doing myself a disservice (my happiness specifically) if I stayed any longer.

I couldn’t stomach another day filled with these ridiculous expectations and stress.

The resignation part was something I found very difficult to do. I literally had to google “Resignation Letter” to find a sample. I am comparing this to a relationship breakup, okay. I wanted to end it because it no longer fulfilled me and brought me happiness. It (the romantic relationship) didn’t treat me terribly, as in no abuse whatsoever. It gave me my space (read: work/life balance). It did serve me instant gratification (sorta) with a bi-weekly paycheck, but long-term I knew this would be a fluke.

I couldn’t help but classify this as one of those “it’s not you, it’s me” kind of scenarios. My team has always been a supportive bunch, so it had nothing to do with them. It was me. But the great outcome of this entire experience is that, it did give me flexibility to grow thecnnekt the way it has grown, and I am grateful for that!

A friend told me that quitting a job you’re miserable in is an act of self-love. I respect myself to walk away from all of this and find something that brings meaning and joy to my life. So, I guess you can say yeah, it’s an act of self-love.

It’s time to close this door – I learned a lot and it definitely made me feel confident that whatever role I decide to leap into or an unfamiliar industry I transition into, I can handle it like a boss.

So, you’re probably wondering – well, what’s is your perfect job?

I have it already outlined – in my mind. I know what I want to do long-term and I already found my purpose in life *cough* thecnnekt  *cough* Right now, it’s a matter of how the hell am I going to get there. With time, I’ll know how to tackle my next steps in life and my career.

What’s next for me? You’ll see. 

Side note: I know this is pulling the trigger and may deemed as irresponsible. I am not going to throw a pity party – like oh at 27, I wish I had more of a clear vision of what I wanted out of life or I imagined myself here, or there. These standards made up by society are crippling as fuck. Soooooo fuck off. I am going to continue to do me and figure shit out – like I always do. 

There was no structure to this post, by the way. Sorry if my thoughts were scattered, but I wanted to write / vent away since you know, I am on #funemployment at the moment.

– c

PS: thank you, to all my friends who endured every fucking rant, tweet, and just my bat-shit craziness in the last few months. I also started birth-control too so that has impacted my emotions as well. Shout out to my mom who deals with my crying phone calls. You’re the best, Mommy! 

 

feeling behind in life

August 6, 2017

My friends on the West Coast are getting hitched. One by one. I know, I know, I have expressed my thoughts about this before – from wanting to buy that white picket-fence home to challenging society’s ideals on marriage.

It is different when random friends on Facebook are getting engaged and having babies. I don’t know them nor do I care for them, but when your close college friend and your childhood best friend get engaged within a week a part. I am shitting bricks. 

Other friends are talking about saving money and qualifying for a home loan to get their first purchase…

I can’t even decide what to wear to a client meeting or how to clear out my debt (this is something I’m working on!)…

I guess my question and confession is: Why do I feel so left behind in life?

Now we all know I haven’t had the best dating record – and no this is not be being all sad and shit. It is the truth – from bad boys from my younger days to what-seemed-like-sweet-older-men, they all turned out to be the same.

This makes me feel that society, including myself, are obsessed with partnering up. What the actual fuck. I am doing so much more than just trying to “settle down.” You all know about my project thecnnekt, which I can never shut up about and hoping to evolve into a sustaining business. And I live in a glorious city. So why am I fixated on that one thing I don’t have at the moment? My last post was all about the great things that happened in the last three years, so wtf.

You’re probably going to say: Chary, focus on you. It will come when it is meant to come. Well, actually my mom said this to me. And trust me, all I have been is Doing Me throughout my twenties. You’d know this if you have followed this personal blog, 1000%. 

So don’t tell me that – I already know. I am just venting to you all, the internet (including family and friends), that yeah I have my moments. I am human, and it’s natural for us to think these thoughts. As long as I don’t let it consume me. I know it won’t, but it’s from time to time when I think about it.

Last note – I’m not that single girl who complains about being single and terrified of it as if it were a disease – never been like that. It’s so funny as I expressed this thought though.

I am seeing someone at the moment. He kind of waltz into my life, and he’s been so wonderful. Emphasize the “wonderful”, but frankly, I can’t tell what it may or may not be. I am trying to approach my dating life differently – take it slow while living in a fast city such as New York. And so far, it works for us.

xo.

3MOFUGGIN’YEARZ

July 11, 2017

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I know, I know – I’ve been absent. 

Life has been incredibly productive. If I am not dashing into a workout, social scene, or to a meeting, I am literally on my bed, with the AC blasting and watching Netflix on my projector.

It’s quite nice. I think it’s these alone moments where I find my best work done.

Okay, wait – back to Happy Three Years, which was on Sunday, July 9th… while I can go on and on about how much adversities I’ve faced, I won’t. There has been so much goodness in life as of late, and I kid you not, my life has been like fine wine. Better with age, y’all. 

I choose to look on the positive things in my life right now. Hate thinking about the things I don’t have, or have yet accomplished. Nah, no need for that negative shit. I have an okay job. Successfully launching the creative business. I have incredible friends. Family who love me unconditionally. An apartment of my own. Oh, and I’m dating a really, really a sweet creative man. 

I don’t have much to say aside from how grateful I am to live in such a glorious City. Foreal and how thecnnekt has truly catapult my life vision. That in itself has been a whole beastly undertaking. We talk about so much – eee, can’t help it. 

I guess the proudest work I’ve done is this personal essay turned short called Shrimp Chips & Chocolate Milk. I’m so amazed by Courtney’s quick turnaround and inspiration for this entire thing. Umm, hello Wes Anderson style, but when she said, “I want to bring your words to life” – I nearly cried.

The feedback from the exhibition was all positive per Mar and Courtney. Mar, who was also featured on thecnnekt, said that it was relatable and I’m glad my words hit a spot with POC and especially First-Gen borns.

My words are that powerful? Damn. You don’t even know how fortunate I feel. 

 

So basically aside from all my creative business endeavors, I have no life. I don’t think I do, but my friends says I have an active social calendar. I mean, yes, but no….

Goodnight. 

 

 

 

mo’ life in spring

May 22, 2017

I began deleting people off Facebook, unfollowing via social media, and altogether doing a Spring cleaning of people (and things).

Declutter. 

Removing people in my life who have not made great and/or positive contributions do not need a seat my table. Does that sound nasty? Not really.

This is not to say I don’t want people who challenge me, of course I want to be challenged – physically and intellectually. However, if this person just brings these unwanted emotions within me then that is quite telling.

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For instance, these so called “public figures” or wanna be influential people in fashion or whatever category they’re in – browsing their instagram accounts only make me feel like shit about my life – or not utterly shit because I know this is all curated and facade possibly, but just makes me want things I actually don’t need. It makes me care about likes from people I have no knowledge of and this obsession with likes.

I. Don’t. Care!

Superficial shit, you know? I said it jokingly about they made me question my life choices. Again, a joke. They really don’t add any value to my life. If I wanted to be visually stimulated, I’ll go to take a walk on Fifth Avenue or just people watch in SoHo. In all, I only respect those public figures who actually have a voice to use their platform to speak on issues that are important to me and the World (not a complete sellout with #partners #ad #sponsors).

So, I vowed moving forward to only follow accounts that will be part of my greatness or doing awesome ass shit to the World.

Ah, social media I love and hate you at the same time.

xox.

 

slow the fuck down

April 24, 2017

I have this tendency to rush through things because I am thinking what’s next. That is not to say I am not ever present, because I am. Especially in the age we are in – so digitally connected, I have held back a lot on social media to be mindful of my present experiences.

Not everything needs to be documented. 

But I was having this conversation with Tiffany yesterday at the park, like how we rushed into adulthood, and I confessed that I have always ushered myself to grow the fuck up. It would explain why I am the way I am, but also why at 27 I feel slightly burnt out. I shouldn’t even feel this way because I am still in my prime, tender years, but no, I feel old inside.

At the same time … 

The hustle is real everyday, genuinely, I am teaching myself to slow down when I can, which are the late evenings and on the weekends. Little things such as treating myself to that extra hour of sleep or having a decent breakfast before I rush to be a Weekend Warrior. This is all part of this ongoing self-care practice that I’ve been pushing myself to be mindful of and do constantly.

I have to say, being impatient and rushing, has always been embedded in me. New York has deepen this flaw of mine, ha! Time has always been luxurious to me and though we all have the same amount of time, it is how we use our time is makes us all different, right? If we are being productive and impactful.

Perhaps that is why I want to do much as I can within my awake hours, and go to sleep proudly when I reflect on how accomplished day was. I just want to maximize my time, man.

This is a random post, but my intentions were to make you think about your self-care routines and do you ever slow down?

If you don’t – this me telling you so. Slow the fuck down. 

xo.

c

 

expand, growth & blessed

April 10, 2017

Holy Moly.

Emily and I have been taking on these very exciting meetings to learn from people and to grow ourselves as creatives, and of course, thecnnekt.com overall.

cnnektlogo

I am so excited and nervous altogether as we continue to grow and expand. And you all know how I am – I can be a complete nervous wreck! 

The big thing is the talks about press opportunities and collaborating with big players in respective industries in the near future.

Wait, is this really happening? It’s so surreal to me. Are we even ready? 

But today was a special day because it was a nice refresher to what we are doing and the impact we’re making. While I was scheduling content for later this week, I quickly reviewed our stats. 

And they look hella good.

Amazing numbers considering how long we have been live – since August 2016 by the way… We are still babies in the grand scheme of the game, but those figures are impressive. And I know we have a long way to go to be one of those notable big players. 

I’m just so thankful for the continuous support from our family, friends, and community. I don’t think we would be at the success rate we are at right now without the help from all of you – from readers to contributors. Really, thank you so much and I cannot stress this enough.

That is only a part of our success. Another has to do with the work and determination we have. I mean, a lot of work has been put into this for it to run seamlessly the way it has. There has definitely been sacrifices along the way – plenty. But I remind myself and vent to Emily that we are doing this, 100% to better the World and really bring women together. Defy those themes that say women cannot be friends and all this bullshit. 

Sometimes, I feel like when I share my news with some folks, they don’t understand much of what I’m doing and don’t share the same joy and excitement I have with every ounce of my being. I know there is Emily, but we know how much this stuff excites us and it’s a given…

For once, I would love an outsider to be super thrilled in hearing all of these exciting things, you know? Like genuinely excited and invested as much as we are. Extra if needed. Can you feel like me?!

I know, my expectations are so high. K, bye!

xo,

c

if the shoes don’t fit

April 2, 2017

It isn’t ugly nor is it like outstandingly beautiful. You are drawn to it because it looks aesthetically pleasing – you appreciate the simplicity and minimal style. You never been pressured to purchasing a pair that everyone wheres, but everyone around you owns a pair and raves about how wonderful they are.

You succumb to pressure and move forward with the decision to owning a pair.

So, you purchase the pair and then wear them. When you tried it on at the store, the woman said they didn’t have your size, but you wanted it really bad and it was such a steal, you committed to the half-size bigger. Rather bigger than smaller, you think. So you stick with it.

However, despite the price-consciousness and the joy you get when it’s paired perfectly with an outfit, it was still a half-size bigger. What do you do? You did your best to ignore the fact that it is a tad size bigger. You were able to dismiss the discomfort, and after fifteen months, that half-size difference becomes more and more noticeably annoying.

It was not until you began to shop for a new pair – mindful of price point and fit, you instantly questioned why you committed to the former pair and held onto for so long. This new pair just hugs perfectly, flattered your feet, and went better with your culottes.

You can still appreciate the brand, the style, the shoe itself wholly, but it’s not the right fit for me, I say. And that’s okay. Someone who is a half-size bigger than me who shares the same appreciation for the shoe will fit it perfectly and get more use of it than I did.

What am I trying to say? Sometimes, when a relationship does not work out, we instantly try to blame the other person or ourselves – if we weren’t enough or something along those lines. When really as individuals, we have our own quirks, our own appeal – and if our current partner does not appreciate those elements that make you, You. Then your future will appreciate You for who you are.

Sometimes when a break up happens, it is because it was not a great fit.

27 in seven days

March 22, 2017

This post is more delayed than I thought. I had originally planned for this to be published earlier this month, but you know, life happened. 

And I hate that has been the excuse in recent posts, but it is not like I am slouching myself away on the sofa. I am living and learning about life….I’m being productive, I swear.

I’m writing to you as I am on my way back to my Brooklyn apartment. Which by the way, marked two years earlier this month and has been one of my proudest New York moments. 

So, I do this annual tradition about the things I learn(ed?) at my age. It started when I was 25 and just kind of happened... I am trying to recollect what I learned the most at the age of 26. And honestly, it might be continuing to love myself and listening to my gut. I mentioned that the Year of 2016 is when I wanted to be true to myself. Whether it was making better judgement about people or investing into a style that truly represented me – either way, it was only until the end of the year of 2016 where I really saw how those inner thoughts and emotions unfolded.

My gut never steered my wrong, so I told myself moving forward with life, I need to be better about listening to it.

As I embark the latter of my twenties, I find myself more and more comfortable in my skin. Transparent with you and those around me, and accepting myself whole-heartedly. I know I have always appreciate certain parts of myself, but when you’re dealing with these internal conundrums like yours truly, it is a conscious effort to make less judgements on oneself and allow yourself to be a damn human being. I am not perfect, and I need to stop trying to be. This is my Type-A personality kicking in….

I am even embracing the parts of myself where it is not typically romanticized and glorified – like my anal tendencies with little things such as calendars, the way I ramble when I have certain opinions about a matter, and how many times I say “fuck” in a conversation. I know it isn’t everybody’s cup of tea.

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This is who I am.

Another “perk” is  that I will have more credibility. People won’t say, “Oh, you’re young” to me and all this ageism bullshit when I express certain thoughts or being a professional in my field. 

Anyway, thanks for reading my late-night thoughts. To my family and friends, thank you all for being my continuous cheerleaders. Y’all the real onesssss!

Looking forward to another life celebration (;

– c

the passionate musician

March 5, 2017

I went on my first date since my breakup this past weekend. The best part? We met a bar where I drunkly passed my phone to him, without uttering a word. He knew what to do – he added his digits.

And I left…

Initially before going into this date, I told myself I was ready. Parts of me feel completely ready to commit myself to someone else in addition to myself, but there is a tiny part of me that is afraid to go through the emotions that comes with a relationship – like the ugly and pretty, and all that shit. I know, I can’t have my cake and eat it, too. Plus, if I learned anything from my last relationship is that it ain’t always going to be rainbows and butterflies.

Not to say that I don’t know this – but I am just afraid to be vulnerable again. That is basically what I am trying to say. But this is natural for those who are going through post-break ups though, so my emotions are valid.

The date went well, and it was nice to be treated like a Princess. He’s an honest man, and he spoke with passion about his love for cooking and music. A passionate man is hella sexy.

The date was coming to a close, and that’s when I knew this is the last time I am ever going to see him. Simply because I didn’t feel that excitement post-date. You know, the whole smitten feels and non-stop thinking about you – a lot these thoughts, really. I didn’t get that – not even a tiny firework. It was like “meh.” In other words, I was not completely head over heels.

I relayed this to my close friends, and they say to give it another go. Everyone deserves a second chance, but I am not trying to waste his time if we don’t share the same frequency. Also note, I am not a woman who goes on a date for the free meals and drinks – I don’t roll that way, y’all. 

I learned my lesson from previous experiences very similar to this…and I am trying really hard about listening to my inner voice and practice what I’ve been preaching – staying true to myself. 

xoxo