My first post introducing my new adventure was titled Starting Anew.
It sounds hopeful, welcoming and exciting. Trust me, it is! But I knew that I was going to start over, with everything: life, job, friendships, and so on.
I don’t miss home yet. I was still connecting with friends here and back at home that gave me that wholeness and good feeling. However, going into my second week, I was overwhelmed and had a breakdown.
Almost three weeks in, now, I miss home.
I knew I had to start over, but I felt like I was in denial for the longest time, or just going with the motions, and how everything is here with no time to think about it. I was nowhere being situated, and it took me over a week to realize that and felt that pressure.
I am fortunate to have people here who are so welcoming and helpful. It makes it a little easier, like a piece of home is with me. But when I go out galavanting the bar scene, it’s somehow a reminder of how much I miss my friends. Holding back the tears as I write because it would be so embarrassing to break into a cry publicly.
I miss my family and friends, terribly.
As far as my career, the whole reason why I moved out here – I am considered to have minimal experience. Starting from the bottom, once again. I knew this was bound to happen, but to hear it from a professional that you are labeled as “Entry-Level” despite the numerous companies you’ve interned and worked with. That hurt, it pinched my self-esteem a tad and questioned my qualifications, but it was not a criticism, it was the truth. I will accept that fact.
I had to remove the entitlement I felt. I know that, but a tiny ounce of me felt like I “deserved this.” With the direction of my career, I know I will have to work my way up to the top once again. Exposure, connect, build and experience. In all, I am fortunate enough to even land the handful of interviews I had back-to-back. Utterly grateful.
The bright side of this entire move is I have this opportunity to recreate myself. No one knows my story, and don’t need to share any of it if I don’t care to. I can be like a misfit from a small town in California. Ha! Just kidding. Well, my mom would probably agree to that statement. But going to stay authentically myself. Honesty is the best policy.
At this point, I feel overwhelmed. The feeling is inevitable and it was now or later on my journey that I would feel this way. However, I will say that I lasted longer than I excepted to have my first cry. I survived a week and a half before I began sobbing about how stressed I am, the loneliness in the City and ongoing problems of a twenty-somethings.
It’s going to take time, and I know I will be okay eventually. Things are brightening up though. Apartment hunting later this week. Who knows, maybe by next week I will be in my own room, matress-less for a couple weeks, but still a little room to myself. We shall see!
I must stick to my affirmations and positive thoughts. I will make it work out. I will! I am determined.
Hope you all are having a great Monday. It’s almost 6PM here, and I am sitting at a coffee shop while outlining some assignments for this week. Thanks for checking in, family, friends and readers!
*Illustration by S.