Category Archives: lifestyle

8Tracks, and new music finds to share

why i don’t date asian men

June 17, 2016

If you read my last post below, then you’ve noted my comment about not dating Asian men.

So when friends asked me to elaborate on why as an Asian woman who doesn’t like to date Asian men, a part of me felt obliged to tell my story and thoughts on this matter.

For the record, I’ve dated Asian men before – Cambodian, Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Korean, and Filipino. You name it. It’s not that I don’t find Asian men attractive, because I do, sometimes. But for me, it’s one of those experiences where it is a “been there, done that” and you’re seeking something new and fresh.

Here is a simple analogy: I used to be obsessed with Passion Green Tea in high school – it was my go-to. After adventuring to many boba shops and exposed to a variety of flavors, my taste palette developed and expanded. Now in recent years, I’m all ’bout that Taro Milk Tea.

That is precisely where I am. 

To argue against the societal myth that they (Asian men) are incapable of having emotion, maybe this is embedded in the general Asian culture where we do often lack emotional intelligence. However, there are a few who defy the so-called “stereotype.” I’ve dated Asian men who were more romantic than I expected – more than I was (and I’m totally a romantic-type), and woo’ed the shit out of me. So there is such thing about Asian men having emotion and being affectionate!

Asian men are often labelled as effeminate, meaning they are not “manly” enough. This has to do with gender roles, and frankly, the lines have blurred between what is considered masculine and feminine in my point of view. I am tired of this gender roles bullshit, too.

As far as the penis size – sizes vary as it would for all men. The color of your skin does not justify how enormous or tiny your penis is.

So Dear Society, shut the fuck up and quit shoving these myths about each race in the media and our minds.

What drew the line for me when it came to dating Asian men was the different mindsets we have. The morals and beliefs didn’t align, and this is certainly important to me. As you all know, I am a woman of many strong opinions and just the way I carry myself.

Similar to stereotypes of Asian men, Asian women has a set of their own – being submissive, delicate, and often labeled as “exotic” by Western (and Asian Societies). I challenge what you call “normal Asian girl.” I have known this growing up, but did not know how to vocalize and articulate how I was not similar amongst my Asian-American women, then.

But to my point, I later discovered not only Asian men, but some men in general, cannot handle a women who obtained a set of modern ideals and vocalize them, passionately.

There will be certain men (traditional values, big penis, effeminate) in all races, so why did we specifically target Asian men? It is all so stupid.

So, to answer your question to why I don’t date Asian men – I’ve explored the Boba menu and right now, Taro Milk Tea is my jam.

Those are my thoughts. Happy Friday!

Tiff + Adriana, if you are reading this – hope I didn’t spoil our Sunday convo, but will be more happy to hash out dirty details over dimsum (; 

– C

 Edit: June 18, 2016

A friend pointed out that I stereotyped Asian men as “traditional.” I had to reread what I wrote, and ultimately, I did. I am sorry about that – I ended up contradicting myself as opposed to what I was here to do – defy stereotypes.

But this goes back to the original theme of this post – everyone, every race, can be this-or-that and not solely Asians.

Thank you all so much for reading!

 

marriage and race

June 12, 2016

“You have boyfriend?” 

One of the daunting questions at family gatherings. Yikes.

Although, it has never phased me, the pressure gets real when I am surrounded by family (and sometimes, peers) who are embarking this path. I know you’ve probably faced this, too, when your Facebook feed is comprised of: engagements, weddings, and babies.

I totally get it. 

We are in this modern era where our first marriage doesn’t happen until our late-twenties, pushing towards thirties, and some may not even wedded at all. This is common now. There are things we are still trying to solidify in our lives, like our own identity and grasping adulthood – how can we even figure marriage?

Here is the twist, the ongoing conversation between my family is not about marriage, but it is the fact that I don’t want to marry within my own race. I have relatives and family friends (you know, your “aunt”) who have been fixated on this. When they asked me if I have found a nice and wealthy Cambodian man, and I respond with an obvious “No,” followed by, “I don’t date Asian men” I’m flooded with questions to why not?

For the record – I used to, okay. 

I grew up in Pomona, where the demographic is predominately Hispanics. Now, living in New York, I am bound to meet people from different backgrounds and ethnicities. I am surrounded by diversity, and I cannot help who I like! It’s 2016, where interracial couples are common, right?

Also, note that Asian men don’t date Asian women like me. I discovered this through my college years – I have strong opinions and some men aren’t very fond of that. If you have not seen Ali Wong’s Baby Cobra Stand Up comedy bit, you need to watch this. She nailed it!

Although, I know my relatives’ intentions are well and they don’t mean any harm, they come from a time period when you are 22, you are already married with your first-born while trying to make something of yourself if you are presented with such an opportunity. I understand to why they’re asking me such questions – what’s next, Chary…?

I’m in this age bracket when one is “supposed to have” X, Y, and Z. Read: marriage, buy a house, and have kids.

Trust me, I do want to get married and own a home, but my timeline and preference is just a little different that’s all.

– C

PS: thank you for all chiming in to ready this – I have been requested to write a follow up to answer all of your questions. Be on the look out (:

it comes in waves

May 6, 2016

I am human, and I forget to acknowledge this sometimes.

Just like you, I battle with insecurities. One day I may feel super confident about my shit, then tomorrow, not so much. We have our days. I am not always killing it in New York. Sometimes, I get beaten up so bad, that I wallow for days at a time. But I always bounce back. Always.

Overall, I am a confident woman, but my insecurities comes in waves. This is totally normal, right? I think so.

I have written about my doubts and not being good enough before. I always felt like I will never be a great writer because of the content I choose to produce. I have not mastered the art of articulating my thoughts into words for newsworthy articles. As in, the topics I write about are more on the “softer” side of things.

This is not to say, I don’t give a shit about the GOP, Women’s Rights (do you not know me?), or understanding bigger things happening in the World. I do care!

Recently, I learned to accept that the subjects I choose to write about does not justify my competency as a writer. Sure, the topics weigh differently, but I am good enough. With continuous practice and knowledge, I can become a stronger writer. I need to stop fucking comparing myself to the next writer, to the next woman – to anyone for that matter! (And I know this…)

Truthfully, these past few weeks have been serious internal battles with my insecurities and lack of inspirations, but today I received something that moved my spirits:

I just thought you should know that writer to writer, woman to woman, what you say and put out there is deeply appreciated, and heard. I’m very confident in the writer I am but what I lack is your willingness to be vulnerable and just lay it all out there. Keep doing that. The world neeeeeds that! I needed that! I needed to see girls my age doing that and the people around me that weren’t “famous” doing that. I respect so much what you’re doing, your blog, your ups and downs with PR- everything. I admire you’re transparency. Basically lol thank u.

Thank you, Casey, for sharing this with me! Such a heart-felt message, and seriously, made me feel good about my craft.

I guess I am doing something right, after all. Not bad, Chary!

– C

 

 

brb, i’m too busy

May 1, 2016

My mom never calls me because she thinks “I’m too busy.”

It hurts my feelings, but she doesn’t understand how or why it does.

I don’t know what I project, verbally or in my actions, that makes me seem so busy. Yeah, I got shit going on, as I am sure you do, too, but it’s not as if I don’t make time for the important people and things in my life.

There is this whole “busy” culture and/or lifestyle that annoys me.

We’ve been so conditioned to excuse people when we hear, “I am sorry, I’m busy,” when they fail to commit to plans. We brush it off, but that’s not cool. In my opinion, this whole “busy” line is just an excuse to not take any action, especially making time for someone or something.

Simply: it is a fucking excuse.

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Because in the end, if you wanted to make anything happen, whether time to hang out or go to the gym, you do, right?

It bothers me, that people fail to reach out or shoot a text, because we’re all “too busy” for one another. Yet, we have the time to utilize our phones for selfies, snapping mindless videos, and random shit. Why? Tell me you don’t get upset when you text someone, there’s no response, but they just posted on social media?

Trust me, I am no Saint – guilty of this, too. I check myself before I wreck myself in these type of situations though.

Aside from the lack of efforts to sustain any kind of relationship, there is this small thought that comes to my mind…

The feeling of importance – because I am so busy, my workload is superior than yours. Sure, that may or may not be true, but it’s a lack of respect in the bigger picture. Just because I am not launching a business does not mean my work is irrelevant or lack some importance.

It’s belittling.

We shame on the receptionist because all she does is answer phones and make copies, but I am sure there are more dimensions to her role than just fucking answering, “This is Becky speaking, how can I assist you?”

Have you acknowledged that before? Food for thought.

I hope you can connect the dots on how this whole busy culture affects us in how we communicate with one another.

Disclosure: I am understanding, but I am also honest. Like any sane soul, I will only tolerate a certain amount of excuses. After “x” amount, then I’ll interpret it as bullshit, and off you go…disappearing from my life.

 

post-grad regret

April 7, 2016

It is graduation season, y’all. Meaning the pressure to find a job is on and so real. I am familiar with this.

Our interns have been inquiring about any opened opportunities. And well, while I advise them there are endless opportunities in the Big Apple and being an opinionated woman that I am, I also threw in the whole landing-your-first-job-is-going-to-take-time comment. This conversation made me instantly reflect on my past decisions.

My last college semester was Fall 2012 and all I can think about is securing a full-time job. I was always in a fucking rush. With everything. Maybe that is why I am anxious all the time and when people tell me to “relax,” I do the polar opposite: not relax.

No one advised me the job hunting process would be months until I landed an “okay” job and it will not be my immediate dream job. That is the reality my soon-to-be-graduate-friends. Don’t let that shiny degree paper fool you. Unless you are very fortunate (or worked really, really hard) and you finish school and get your dream job right away, which makes you an exception to the damn rule. Lucky you.

What I wish I did differently was to take time to travel instead. Get lost somewhere.

But then, I was conflicted because with what money? No way my parents were going to fund a trip for me in any way. Yeah, no job equals no money. And we all know: mo’ money, mo’ problems and same goes for no money, mo’ problems. (Too cheesy? Eh, I tried).

Fast forward to now, adult-ish stages, even with a somewhat stable income, I can not find the means to travel due to time – in addition, to all the responsibilities I have now. Work is demanding at times, and I am constantly nervous about calling too much time off.

This is when I often think I should just work low maintenance jobs so I can have the freedom to roam whenever and wherever I want. Ugh, this is a whole topic in itself…

I told myself that when I am older that I will make traveling more of a priority, even if it is within the States. Enrich myself with new sights, people, and of course, food. When friends talk about exploring new countries and speak so excitingly about their past and future adventures, I am here sitting, thinking – I fucking wish I can do that, too.

Guess what? I am older now. So, it’s one of my short-term goals is to save smarter and more, for upcoming travels next year. This is me attempting to make up for loss time in my twenties. Wish me luck!

I made a board on Pintrest about places I’d like to visit in the future – aspirational board. Find it here. 

– C

PS: thank you for all the lovely birthday greetings! I felt so loved and sad at the same time…don’t ask me why. But a week in, 26 looks promising. My boss said it will be a pivotal year. I shall wait and see!

0 – 100 mph real quick

March 13, 2016

So, this may sound a little bit strange, but I don’t know how to slow down.

Believe me, I love New York and its addictive energy. It is an energy that I cannot explain and you need to witness yourself. But for a every “good,” there is also a “bad.” Did anyone tell you that the same energy can consume and drain you, too? That gets exhausting maintaining the hustle 24/7.

Time is money. And well, New Yorkers walk pretty fast. Like you, we need to get to places and don’t have time to stop and smell the flowers. Often, we are impatient. Or maybe that is just me.

I recognized that all this rushing and shit has heighten my anxiety levels and well, that is not good for anybody, especially for sanity and health purposes.

February was a hellish month for me, filled with long work hours. I was constantly looking forward to Friday because the weekend awaits. I’ve become those people who waited for Friday on a Monday. And truly, I am one of those who wake up Sunday and Monday with the blues…tumblr_o3m988fRzH1ralhjko1_540

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Lately, I have been practicing to take my time with things and not rush. I am always trying to be efficient. It is just the way I am built, okay?

Usually, I pick up my coffee to-go and jet to my next destination. I never just sit and enjoy my coffee.

I do not know how to do nothing. I know that is grammatically incorrect, but you get the message. On top of that, I feel guilty if I don’t complete a task especially after knowing I have a free weekend to do productive things. I need to be more unapologetic about wanting to indulge in nothingness.

But it does take conscious efforts to slowing down. It’s real – I know I’ve expressed this to my friends and they’ve agreed.

I have to mentally address myself, “Chary, you have no plans tomorrow, why are you rushing to get out of the door? Take your time.”

Typically Saturdays I am up by 9a, get dressed, pick up coffee, and off to gym. 9am is considered sleeping in for me, but the last two weekends I have been waking up a little later and indulge in a slow morning.

Slow mornings is one of my favorite feelings. Especially Sunday mornings, where I try to refrain from moving. 

I have gotten better about my whole new approach, and I find it very satisfying not having to speed walk everywhere out of habit, or rushing to get somewhere when I really don’t have to. If I am not mistaken this is me practicing mindfulness.

I am looking forward to stop and smelling those Spring flowers coming our way. You should, too (:

– C

 

personal: stay true to yoself

February 14, 2016

One of my goals this year is to stay true to myself. 

What does this mean to me? Well, it is about to get personal here.

I went on a date a few weeks ago. We laughed, drank, and enjoyed a nice walk in Brooklyn.

He is cuter and shorter than what his Bumble profile led on. Yeah, I care about height. A man in tech with a great sense of humor. We talked about random things, good things, but not anything that blew my mind. Let’s just say, I have had better stimulating conversations.

He’s smart, cute, and funny and our evening was fun and filled with silly laughter, but…

I was not feeling it. There were no sparks flying or fireworks booming, loudly in the background. Nothing.

Sure, he may be looking for a relationship as am I, but is that it? There has to be more than having the same intentions, for me to invest in.

I have been in a similar situation before – with my ex-boyfriend.

If you are baffle with my thoughts here, let me compare it to shoes: would you purchase a pair of shoes because it is on sale? There are so many variables involved, right? The biggest ‘pro’ on your list is, you will be saving some money. The ‘cons’ are the size is slightly bigger and the color is definitely bold for your signature style – like a metallic purple.

If is not to my exact liking, then I rather save my money for something I want to be jumping and screaming about – like my Adidas Ultra Boost.

I am not crazy, right? There is logic in all of this.

I need to not convince myself that certain styles, people, activities, books, and scenes are me. Yes, I will be open-minded and try it at least once, but I am not going to keep continuing doing whatever it is, wearing whatever pieces and brands, or hanging out with whoever it is, that doesn’t reflect my true essence and my wants and needs.

I know this sounds all too familiar or basic common knowledge, but easier said than done, my friend. I am sure we all have faced these situations where we remain in the middle, or uncertain how to proceed forward, so we stick it out. Or we tolerate it a little – we begin to compromise our wants and needs for something that may potentially work out. This applies to all spectrums of our life.

This is what I mean by staying true to myself. I need to be more diligent about listening to my inner voice about things, especially when it comes to dating.

Yeah, I want the butterflies and sparks. Can’t help it, I am a hopeless romantic masked as a realist and part-time cynic.

– C

never on a diet

January 29, 2016

Most of the time, I feel hostile in my environment. 

It should not have to be this way. Maybe it is I work in fashion and media, and I am a woman. My body type is not necessarily the norm in the industry nor in the Asian community.

You often see magazine spreads of White, slim and slender women, with the exception of a few Black and Asian models. You are probably tired of reading everything about body-shaming, equally for men and women.

I understand the annoyance when you come across these type of articles. Imagine working in an environment saying things like, “I am giving up carbs.” First off, why would you ever do that? Secondly, is this a lifestyle change or are you just dieting for a wedding next week? I get it, though.

Healthier choices. 

I totally respect those who have the drive to go everyday and want to become better physically, but please do not food shame me. Let me enjoy my damn egg and cheese pumpernickel bagel, in peace, please. You don’t see me preaching in your ear how carbs are so important and how bagels run the World.

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I used to be so strict with diet and workout regime, in hopes that I will shed away to be a size 0, but who am I kidding? My outlook on health and wellness is vastly different than my pre-mature acceptance days. I feel like my approach to health and fitness is making sure I have endurance, flexibility and strength. Getting a workout in is priority and my goal is to go five times a week (a mixture of strength training and yoga), but I don’t have to deprived myself from beer and pizza to have a certain body type.

Never.

I am human, so there will be days when I am not feeling my absolute best – read: feeling fat. I will adjust my nutrition, but my usual intake is fairly healthy – you guys see my food all the time via instagram. I always make sure my meals are balanced with protein, greens and carbs. Mind you, fat is absolutely not a feeling, in case you don’t know.

I am average, or whatever you classify a size 7-8 in women’s is? I have always had “a little extra” as mentioned on OKCupid when categorizing body types. Yeah, that’s real. 

And I am okay with that. 

It took me a long ass time to accept my body as is, but continue to work in areas that I am not one-hundred percent confident in. This is part of my whole self-love journey (:

K, bye!

– C

 

 

brooklyn studio apartment

January 24, 2016

I have not felt home for a long time; since living in Fullerton, probably. Now, Brooklyn is definitely home. In March, it will be one year since I moved into my studio apartment. (The best present I could ever give myself!)

Remember how I mentioned it took me a long time to get settled in? Yeah. About damn time. I kid you not, I had a mattress and bookshelf for months before I purchased anything else. It was not until November when I began filling my apartment with little additional details, like frames and art, that represents me – ultimately, coming to life.

The best part in this entire process was how I was going to furnish and decorate the place. I knew I wanted to go for the Scandinavian-bohemian-chic vibe.

I was inspired by photos I found on Pintrest; I can spend hours there and curate beautiful boards, but I don’t have that much time. In case you are interested, you can view my inspiration boards here, here, and here.

I will shut up now. Family and friends, I present to you, my studio apartment – my home. 

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Sometimes I forget I live by myself, but when I remember or take a moment to reflect, I am so thankful that my life has turned out this way.

I will always be proud of this accomplishment. This is me adulting. 

– C

PS: I had time yesterday to edit and write this up because you know, I was snowed in and all. It was nice just to stay in and Netflix. However, after a few hours, I already went crazy…

personal: do you want ketchup?

December 8, 2015

You know how the saying goes about living in large cities, filled with people yet you feel so alone? I never knew how that felt or understood the concept, but now I have endured it often. It comes in waves, and the stronger waves hit during the holiday season when I realize that I don’t have family 30-minutes away.

But I am so glad and extremely thankful that there are people who are great friends, who have become family that welcome me with open arms to celebrate with. I think that is why I love New York so much; there is a sense of community and I don’t know, it feels nice to be belong somewhere.

Because I am always late when it comes to posting in real-time, here is what happened:

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The beautiful thing about Thanksgiving is, no none really leaves the City because plane tickets or travels are too damn expensive. There were stranglers around this time, and we got together and made ourselves a feast! I’ve always enjoyed cooking with people, and this was super fun! Thank you for hosting, Gina and Kristen (:

I am still recovering from a weekend of non-stop laughter! Definitely a weekend to remember and to be preserved until the next time I get to connect in real-life with my babes. Of all the nights, my favorite night was our first night. We ordered Chinese take-out and caught up on life, then off to drinks and karaoke with mutual friends. Ugh, so much fun! I lost my voice – now I have this sexy, raspy thang goin’ on (;

I love when family and friends come into town. Not only it is an excuse for me to eat whatever I want and explore new places. I love this season especially – New York is beautifully decorated with the holiday spirt! However, it is very exhausting playing host.

Thank you so much for making an impromptu trip to visit me, babes! (I am sure you will be reading this) Fair warning, many selfies will follow below:

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While I am sure (or maybe not?) you all have seen my instagram posts all weekend – being super unapologetic about this.

I am trying to preserve my energy when my sister comes in later this week. So that will be all for now. For instant updates, head over to Twitter and/or Instagram (:

K, bye!