Category Archives: LONG READS

mo’ life in spring

May 22, 2017

I began deleting people off Facebook, unfollowing via social media, and altogether doing a Spring cleaning of people (and things).

Declutter. 

Removing people in my life who have not made great and/or positive contributions do not need a seat my table. Does that sound nasty? Not really.

This is not to say I don’t want people who challenge me, of course I want to be challenged – physically and intellectually. However, if this person just brings these unwanted emotions within me then that is quite telling.

clem-onojeghuo-197847

For instance, these so called “public figures” or wanna be influential people in fashion or whatever category they’re in – browsing their instagram accounts only make me feel like shit about my life – or not utterly shit because I know this is all curated and facade possibly, but just makes me want things I actually don’t need. It makes me care about likes from people I have no knowledge of and this obsession with likes.

I. Don’t. Care!

Superficial shit, you know? I said it jokingly about they made me question my life choices. Again, a joke. They really don’t add any value to my life. If I wanted to be visually stimulated, I’ll go to take a walk on Fifth Avenue or just people watch in SoHo. In all, I only respect those public figures who actually have a voice to use their platform to speak on issues that are important to me and the World (not a complete sellout with #partners #ad #sponsors).

So, I vowed moving forward to only follow accounts that will be part of my greatness or doing awesome ass shit to the World.

Ah, social media I love and hate you at the same time.

xox.

 

expand, growth & blessed

April 10, 2017

Holy Moly.

Emily and I have been taking on these very exciting meetings to learn from people and to grow ourselves as creatives, and of course, thecnnekt.com overall.

cnnektlogo

I am so excited and nervous altogether as we continue to grow and expand. And you all know how I am – I can be a complete nervous wreck! 

The big thing is the talks about press opportunities and collaborating with big players in respective industries in the near future.

Wait, is this really happening? It’s so surreal to me. Are we even ready? 

But today was a special day because it was a nice refresher to what we are doing and the impact we’re making. While I was scheduling content for later this week, I quickly reviewed our stats. 

And they look hella good.

Amazing numbers considering how long we have been live – since August 2016 by the way… We are still babies in the grand scheme of the game, but those figures are impressive. And I know we have a long way to go to be one of those notable big players. 

I’m just so thankful for the continuous support from our family, friends, and community. I don’t think we would be at the success rate we are at right now without the help from all of you – from readers to contributors. Really, thank you so much and I cannot stress this enough.

That is only a part of our success. Another has to do with the work and determination we have. I mean, a lot of work has been put into this for it to run seamlessly the way it has. There has definitely been sacrifices along the way – plenty. But I remind myself and vent to Emily that we are doing this, 100% to better the World and really bring women together. Defy those themes that say women cannot be friends and all this bullshit. 

Sometimes, I feel like when I share my news with some folks, they don’t understand much of what I’m doing and don’t share the same joy and excitement I have with every ounce of my being. I know there is Emily, but we know how much this stuff excites us and it’s a given…

For once, I would love an outsider to be super thrilled in hearing all of these exciting things, you know? Like genuinely excited and invested as much as we are. Extra if needed. Can you feel like me?!

I know, my expectations are so high. K, bye!

xo,

c

if the shoes don’t fit

April 2, 2017

It isn’t ugly nor is it like outstandingly beautiful. You are drawn to it because it looks aesthetically pleasing – you appreciate the simplicity and minimal style. You never been pressured to purchasing a pair that everyone wheres, but everyone around you owns a pair and raves about how wonderful they are.

You succumb to pressure and move forward with the decision to owning a pair.

So, you purchase the pair and then wear them. When you tried it on at the store, the woman said they didn’t have your size, but you wanted it really bad and it was such a steal, you committed to the half-size bigger. Rather bigger than smaller, you think. So you stick with it.

However, despite the price-consciousness and the joy you get when it’s paired perfectly with an outfit, it was still a half-size bigger. What do you do? You did your best to ignore the fact that it is a tad size bigger. You were able to dismiss the discomfort, and after fifteen months, that half-size difference becomes more and more noticeably annoying.

It was not until you began to shop for a new pair – mindful of price point and fit, you instantly questioned why you committed to the former pair and held onto for so long. This new pair just hugs perfectly, flattered your feet, and went better with your culottes.

You can still appreciate the brand, the style, the shoe itself wholly, but it’s not the right fit for me, I say. And that’s okay. Someone who is a half-size bigger than me who shares the same appreciation for the shoe will fit it perfectly and get more use of it than I did.

What am I trying to say? Sometimes, when a relationship does not work out, we instantly try to blame the other person or ourselves – if we weren’t enough or something along those lines. When really as individuals, we have our own quirks, our own appeal – and if our current partner does not appreciate those elements that make you, You. Then your future will appreciate You for who you are.

Sometimes when a break up happens, it is because it was not a great fit.

27 in seven days

March 22, 2017

This post is more delayed than I thought. I had originally planned for this to be published earlier this month, but you know, life happened. 

And I hate that has been the excuse in recent posts, but it is not like I am slouching myself away on the sofa. I am living and learning about life….I’m being productive, I swear.

I’m writing to you as I am on my way back to my Brooklyn apartment. Which by the way, marked two years earlier this month and has been one of my proudest New York moments. 

So, I do this annual tradition about the things I learn(ed?) at my age. It started when I was 25 and just kind of happened... I am trying to recollect what I learned the most at the age of 26. And honestly, it might be continuing to love myself and listening to my gut. I mentioned that the Year of 2016 is when I wanted to be true to myself. Whether it was making better judgement about people or investing into a style that truly represented me – either way, it was only until the end of the year of 2016 where I really saw how those inner thoughts and emotions unfolded.

My gut never steered my wrong, so I told myself moving forward with life, I need to be better about listening to it.

As I embark the latter of my twenties, I find myself more and more comfortable in my skin. Transparent with you and those around me, and accepting myself whole-heartedly. I know I have always appreciate certain parts of myself, but when you’re dealing with these internal conundrums like yours truly, it is a conscious effort to make less judgements on oneself and allow yourself to be a damn human being. I am not perfect, and I need to stop trying to be. This is my Type-A personality kicking in….

I am even embracing the parts of myself where it is not typically romanticized and glorified – like my anal tendencies with little things such as calendars, the way I ramble when I have certain opinions about a matter, and how many times I say “fuck” in a conversation. I know it isn’t everybody’s cup of tea.

DSC_1306

This is who I am.

Another “perk” is  that I will have more credibility. People won’t say, “Oh, you’re young” to me and all this ageism bullshit when I express certain thoughts or being a professional in my field. 

Anyway, thanks for reading my late-night thoughts. To my family and friends, thank you all for being my continuous cheerleaders. Y’all the real onesssss!

Looking forward to another life celebration (;

– c

the passionate musician

March 5, 2017

I went on my first date since my breakup this past weekend. The best part? We met a bar where I drunkly passed my phone to him, without uttering a word. He knew what to do – he added his digits.

And I left…

Initially before going into this date, I told myself I was ready. Parts of me feel completely ready to commit myself to someone else in addition to myself, but there is a tiny part of me that is afraid to go through the emotions that comes with a relationship – like the ugly and pretty, and all that shit. I know, I can’t have my cake and eat it, too. Plus, if I learned anything from my last relationship is that it ain’t always going to be rainbows and butterflies.

Not to say that I don’t know this – but I am just afraid to be vulnerable again. That is basically what I am trying to say. But this is natural for those who are going through post-break ups though, so my emotions are valid.

The date went well, and it was nice to be treated like a Princess. He’s an honest man, and he spoke with passion about his love for cooking and music. A passionate man is hella sexy.

The date was coming to a close, and that’s when I knew this is the last time I am ever going to see him. Simply because I didn’t feel that excitement post-date. You know, the whole smitten feels and non-stop thinking about you – a lot these thoughts, really. I didn’t get that – not even a tiny firework. It was like “meh.” In other words, I was not completely head over heels.

I relayed this to my close friends, and they say to give it another go. Everyone deserves a second chance, but I am not trying to waste his time if we don’t share the same frequency. Also note, I am not a woman who goes on a date for the free meals and drinks – I don’t roll that way, y’all. 

I learned my lesson from previous experiences very similar to this…and I am trying really hard about listening to my inner voice and practice what I’ve been preaching – staying true to myself. 

xoxo

 

 

hi, wsup, wsuh, what’s good

January 16, 2017

DSC08031

Damn, it’s been awhile hasn’t it? 

My bad. You know what they say? Life happens.

Visiting my parents and friends last months made it harder to leave California this time. I think also because I was in a very vulnerable state and needed an escape. In all, wonderful trip and I wish I can go back because of the warmer weather, but I am happy to be back at home doing my thang. Came back to New York and left all the shit that I dealt with back in California.

The last couple weeks of 2017 has been great. A friend told me I was glowing. GIRL, GLOW UP. Just kidding.

It has been great because work has been better – finally getting a grip – and thecnnekt.com is growing! I finally learned how to balance life and work – stay tuned with an upcoming story.

Thecnnekt got a facelift, exciting upcoming content (we just filmed our first interview!), and just a lot of that new, new. Hella thrilled. #StayTuned

filmcnnekt1

I was not kidding when I said I was embarking a clean slate – it certainly feels like it. I am just excited to see what this year will bring. A whole lot of newness and goodness despite what is going in the World.

I just quickly wanted to check in and say: I am alive. I am better.

BTW when you’re in some type of mood.

When you can tell your story and it doesn’t make you cry, that’s when you know you’ve healed. – Unknown

xoxo.

2017: The Year of Focus & Action

December 25, 2016

I am writing to you from my parents’ sofa on Christmas Eve. Streaming Hunger Games Mockingjay part two, and my ass is glued to this very seat for the last five hours. It feels good, but watching show after show made me feel like I needed to be productive and flex my creative muscle.

So viola! 

Disclosure, I started on this draft a couple weeks ago on the F train to Brooklyn. But I began refining as the days went on. After reading through my last post, it only made sense for me to write about what to look forward to in the New Year.

By tradition, I come up with an annual theme and center my goals around something that really needs attention on. In 2014, I told myself it was okay to be selfish. In 2015, I was becoming a better woman. In 2016, I heavily practiced intentions. In 2017, I intend to stay focus and take action. 

Generally though, I have to say, I am a pretty actionable woman, but could use some discipline in being focused.

Finances – I have accrued so much debt in the last couple of years. Good and bad decisions altogether. But when I closely look at my finances, I want to make better decisions and set myself up for a healthy credit score. In order for me to do this and making above minimum credit payments, I devised a plan of how to slowly tackle my debt. This means less coffee purchases, fancy dinner dates, and fast-fashion consumption (this is very rare btw). But in short, to be more mindful of my purchases and make financial goals for myself – like save up for a trip in 2018.

Health – this category encompasses the mind, body, and soul. I haven’t trained as hard as I used to. For many reasons, but as I hear myself say repeatedly, “I have no time,” yet I make time for drinking engagements that does more damage to my body than good. I need to stop bitching about having no time because clearly I do. I know it’s often cheesy and one of the primary goals for the New Year is to drop pounds, but I am not here to say that I am one of those individuals. It is more like staying healthy and fit because it makes me feel good. Just do better because I know I am capable of it. As far as my mind and soul, just practicing old affirmations and do what makes me feel good and happy. 

Personal development –  I have always struggled with being compassionate with myself. The reason for this is because I know I can do better and have this tough love attitude with myself (it is embedded in me, okay). I didn’t realize how crippling I was talking and treating myself until a friend pointed it out. I am fully aware about self-love and all this jazz, trust me. But right now, I need to reteach myself all these wonderful old lessons. I want to continue to be bolder, expand my knowledge, and volunteer in the community more. Yes, that means being an advocate and/or activist. Lastly to really outdo myself, truly get out there more and step out of my comfort zone – learn a new skill or pick up a new hobby. This falls into the “be bold” part. 

My goals this year are a little more elaborative compared to the previous years. I don’t know where this profound motivation and this need to conquer came from, but these last few months, I’ve gain more clarity than throughout the year, and set myself up for success. I am done bitching about these last two months and how emotionally exhausting it has been. Enough talking, more walking if you know what I mean.

Closing this entry with this message in case any of my friends are going through some rough patches of their own:

One day, in retrospect, the year of struggle wills trike you as the most beautiful. – Sigmund Freud

With love,

C

2016 in a nutshell

December 17, 2016

The year is coming to an end and by tradition, I reflect what has happened in the last 12 months. Things I’ve learned, succeeded – you know, all that emotional, provoking shit. 

Tiffany and I explored Dyker Heights last Friday and we talked about our year. While she and I are going through changes, we had to look deeper. It was actually a great year for the both of us.

This is typical right? Where we are often fixated on the things we don’t have than the wonderful things we do have. 

I get extremely annoyed with myself when I forget to check myself – that is count my blessings. It’s so easy for us to get wrapped up in the negativity and spiral down from there. Enough of that, my pits (lows) and peaks (highs) of 2016: the Year of Intention. 

Peaks: 

  • a lot of family time; Houston this past summer was one of my favorite memories. Everyone all dolled up for my aunt and uncle’s anniversary party and getting drunk and high with my cousins. No more chocolate. Ever. 
  • Travelled more than I thought I would’ve. Quick weekend getaways, but that’s better than nothing. Seattle, The Bay, Virginia, and DC
  • Launching thecnnekt, obviously. A project I’ve had in the works for a very long time and to see the success right now always makes me wanna cry because this is something I never saw coming and just fulfills me in ways I cannot express to you. Truly excited to see the growth of the project next year 
  • Falling in love. This is something I rarely highlight because I’ve displayed my affection on social media when I was in that relationship. But it’s true, one of the best feelings is love and I’m so thankful I’ve got to experience that. I feel like I overcame this fear of being vulnerable with someone. But I have to say after this experience, I need to focus on myself for awhile.  
  • #Girlboss moves. This year I recognized my value. The year where I put my foot down and asked for more pay, sought a title change, and made a lateral move.

Pits: 

  • Election 2016. You already know how I feel. I’m still angry. 
  • Lost my job. Only because I wasn’t in control and really put my finances in a rut. It made me realize to always a Plan B and devise a Fuck Off Fund
  • Break ups are rough.

I believe life has a way of figuring itself out. This will pass, is what I remind myself. 

I don’t say this often about myself, but yeah, I am pretty badass!

As I begin to draft ideas for 2017, I am excited to see what’s in store for me. Went through a lot personally and professionally this year, so I am hoping next year I can catch a fucking break. Plus, I’ll be creeping in my “late twenties” which I am so excited about. Very excited (:

I AM A GROWN ASS WOMAN. 

I mean, I’ve been grown, but now when I say I am in my late twenties people will look at me more respectable and not categorized me as a “baby.” 

K, bye.

c

i’ve been a little lost

November 16, 2016

From September up to now, I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit. 

From losing my job to losing myself – and to top it off, Hillary’s election loss, there were so many changes and emotions going on in a short period of time. There were days and weeks at a time where I couldn’t compose myself.

Work has been quite challenging, but this is what I call growth. I am in a completely new field and environment that has been amounting to some stress. There are many perks such as my team and the work culture, but the work itself has been difficult. My VP sat with me today and told me to start all over – as in my strategy approach. Reset, she said.  I’ll save the full on details for a story at thecnnekt.com

But a preview of the work culture – my boss calls me “Honey” and said, “I want a relationship with you.” This is a whole new level that I have never experienced. Right now my focus has been centered around work and expanding thecnnekt. This is not new news, really. 

Simultaneously as I embarked a new career, I am going through this again. This time not as bad as the last. The wound is deeper because I did not foresee this pain. I feel lost yet again, but reading Michael Faudet’s words gave me comfort:

Lost is a lovely place to find yourself.  ‘

I like to remind myself that we all are lost in some ways and this is natural in life. So that’s that. In my attempts of doing so, I’ve joined a running club, go to meetups, indulge in art regularly, and simply establishing new routines. I’m a fan of routines. 

Sidebar: you know the funny thing is, I used to be the girl that never cried in public to becoming the woman who cries everywhere in New York. On the train. On the sidewalk. In the restaurant. In pigeon pose during yoga class. Everywhere – ask the girls. It’s crazy how New York and love has made me so vulnerable. 

To tell you the truth: I’m still not one-hundred percent okay. Parts of me is impatient with myself, but in these last couple of weeks, I’ve started to feel healthy, again. Like emotionally stable. 

I know I will have my moments where I do feel hurt, and I need to allow myself to mourn and feel the loss. I’ve come to terms that it is okay to not be okay. 

So to my family and friends, I am sorry that I’ve isolated myself from a lot of social invites and communication, in general. I was going through a lot of shit that I was not ready to share with you and the public, but I am ready to come back to life again.

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

 Candid photo taken for work. 

with much love,
c

post-election thoughts

November 13, 2016

I did not want to write something right away because it would’ve been a reactive post. Instead, I let these thoughts, emotions, and how the post-election ravel itself.

There is so much noise right now, and I just wanted to stay silent. I think we all had this expectation for Hillz to win. We, the Democrats, were certain. 

I was trying so hard to fight my tiredness, but when 3am rolled around, I had to sleep.  I woke up thinking, maybe things changed and the final results came out differently. No. All over Twitter read, “Donald Trump is president elected.” 

My heart sank. Is this what America is? Yes.

Who are we fooling. America has always been like this, but we chose to see things differently. We surrounded ourselves who share the same perspectives. For me, the Progressives, obviously. We easily de-friend people who have different views than us, when we should have listened. 

Makes me wonder do I live in a fucking bubble?

I invested in this Election – so when Hillary didn’t metaphorically shatter the Glass Ceiling in the Javits Center, I cried. This is what Hillary’s loss meant to me: that a woman, despite her credentials, knowledge and how well she conducts herself, she will be remained unfit.

Then, there is this whole other argument, but a common one. Hearing people’s comments about how she lacked emotion makes me so upset. It is never a win-win for Us (women). When we show too much emotion we are labeled as “too emotional” and if we are composed, we are categorized as cold-hearted, stoic, or my ultimate favorite robotic.

What the fuck do you want from Us? 

I know there are many variables involved in this election as well – how she is a manipulative politician and will not bring much change to our nation. There can be a running list of things that the people and the media has shared, but my takeaway is that reality, being a woman in America. We just had their first Black President, they were in no way ready for a woman to call the shots. I get it – instead we have a buffoon as our Future President. 

As Hillary said in her concession speech, we need to stay together and also be opened to see how Trump will lead us as a nation. Although I have not quite accepted it fully yet, I will try to mourn less and be open-minded.
I am excited though to see how the next four years will unfold because in New York, Oakland, and Los Angeles, I’ve seen all these rallies and protest, and it just reminds me of the older revolutions in the 60s.
This is the time for change, everyone.
Be ready. 
hillary_rays1
We have still have not shattered that highest and hardest glass ceiling. But some day, someone will. – Hillary Rodham Clinton