do I really belong?

October 20, 2015

Life is filled with ironies. 

I don’t know how I fell into the fashion industry. Obviously, I know how – someone took a chance on me at Trina Turk in LA that opened doors from left-to-right. I had the opportunity to work with amazing brands and established companies, which all led me to where I am now, working at a notable fashion PR agency in New York.

The reality is, I am this average Jane from Pomona, California who always have known to dance to a different beat.

You know how there are those fashion-obsessed people? ‘Gramming every outfit for the likes or talking like, “Did you see Balmain X H&M Collection? Oh my god this piece is such perfection!”

I don’t speak this language fluently, but I understand parts of it. Like Spanish.

I know information here-and-there, places to shop, what are the suggested style fit best for what body type, fabrics appreciation, and I can go on with the little details. I know enough, but nothing overly beyond to be deemed as a “fashion expert” or be pretentious about it when I speak.

Although what I am doing day-to-day is not necessarily my calling, s’all good though because it is not as if I am miserable. I thoroughly enjoy it!

Here’s a quick story that will capture what I am trying to say. I went to this event (hosted by GQ Magazine x Coach in SoHo) and found myself very uncomfortable. It’s nice that you are out of your comfort zone because that is how growth happens, but nah man. I noticed a few, well many, things about myself. The event made me question if I belong in the industry.

All the glam, schmoozing, and socializing is hard for me to surpass. I may appear to be a social butterfly, but I am not. I had better social skills in college. Now? I am super mindful of peoples’ intentions and unwilling to invest in small engagements. You can talk to me after two glasses of Prosecco, maybe. Also, I don’t know how to fake it ’til you make it or fake the funk because I always keep it real. 

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. – Kurt Vonnegut

Well said, Vonnegut.

Maybe this is why I resonate with The Devil Wears Prada because Anne Hathaway’s character was an outsider like myself. Knows nothing of fashion and then somehow fell into it, but really aspires to be a journalist. Perhaps that will happen to me when I realize where I want to go in life, but I am still figuring that out. I wrote about that long ago; you can read it here!

While I am making tiny footprints in the industry, I wonder if I will remain or transition into a different space. Only time will tell, but I have to say, no matter where my thoughts and interests may take me, I somehow always revert back with wanting to be an editor for a digital publication.

Meh.

Anyway, I wish I had more time to write to you all. Life has been chaotic lately, with long work days and weekends to catch up on personal things, there is never enough time in a day. Frankly, I have not been inspired lately…

Ouch, that hurts just writing (and saying) it out loud.

– C