i’ve been a little lost

November 16, 2016

From September up to now, I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit. 

From losing my job to losing myself – and to top it off, Hillary’s election loss, there were so many changes and emotions going on in a short period of time. There were days and weeks at a time where I couldn’t compose myself.

Work has been quite challenging, but this is what I call growth. I am in a completely new field and environment that has been amounting to some stress. There are many perks such as my team and the work culture, but the work itself has been difficult. My VP sat with me today and told me to start all over – as in my strategy approach. Reset, she said.  I’ll save the full on details for a story at thecnnekt.com

But a preview of the work culture – my boss calls me “Honey” and said, “I want a relationship with you.” This is a whole new level that I have never experienced. Right now my focus has been centered around work and expanding thecnnekt. This is not new news, really. 

Simultaneously as I embarked a new career, I am going through this again. This time not as bad as the last. The wound is deeper because I did not foresee this pain. I feel lost yet again, but reading Michael Faudet’s words gave me comfort:

Lost is a lovely place to find yourself.  ‘

I like to remind myself that we all are lost in some ways and this is natural in life. So that’s that. In my attempts of doing so, I’ve joined a running club, go to meetups, indulge in art regularly, and simply establishing new routines. I’m a fan of routines. 

Sidebar: you know the funny thing is, I used to be the girl that never cried in public to becoming the woman who cries everywhere in New York. On the train. On the sidewalk. In the restaurant. In pigeon pose during yoga class. Everywhere – ask the girls. It’s crazy how New York and love has made me so vulnerable. 

To tell you the truth: I’m still not one-hundred percent okay. Parts of me is impatient with myself, but in these last couple of weeks, I’ve started to feel healthy, again. Like emotionally stable. 

I know I will have my moments where I do feel hurt, and I need to allow myself to mourn and feel the loss. I’ve come to terms that it is okay to not be okay. 

So to my family and friends, I am sorry that I’ve isolated myself from a lot of social invites and communication, in general. I was going through a lot of shit that I was not ready to share with you and the public, but I am ready to come back to life again.

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

 Candid photo taken for work. 

with much love,
c