feeling behind in life

August 6, 2017

My friends on the West Coast are getting hitched. One by one. I know, I know, I have expressed my thoughts about this before – from wanting to buy that white picket-fence home to challenging society’s ideals on marriage.

It is different when random friends on Facebook are getting engaged and having babies. I don’t know them nor do I care for them, but when your close college friend and your childhood best friend get engaged within a week a part. I am shitting bricks. 

Other friends are talking about saving money and qualifying for a home loan to get their first purchase…

I can’t even decide what to wear to a client meeting or how to clear out my debt (this is something I’m working on!)…

I guess my question and confession is: Why do I feel so left behind in life?

Now we all know I haven’t had the best dating record – and no this is not be being all sad and shit. It is the truth – from bad boys from my younger days to what-seemed-like-sweet-older-men, they all turned out to be the same.

This makes me feel that society, including myself, are obsessed with partnering up. What the actual fuck. I am doing so much more than just trying to “settle down.” You all know about my project thecnnekt, which I can never shut up about and hoping to evolve into a sustaining business. And I live in a glorious city. So why am I fixated on that one thing I don’t have at the moment? My last post was all about the great things that happened in the last three years, so wtf.

You’re probably going to say: Chary, focus on you. It will come when it is meant to come. Well, actually my mom said this to me. And trust me, all I have been is Doing Me throughout my twenties. You’d know this if you have followed this personal blog, 1000%. 

So don’t tell me that – I already know. I am just venting to you all, the internet (including family and friends), that yeah I have my moments. I am human, and it’s natural for us to think these thoughts. As long as I don’t let it consume me. I know it won’t, but it’s from time to time when I think about it.

Last note – I’m not that single girl who complains about being single and terrified of it as if it were a disease – never been like that. It’s so funny as I expressed this thought though.

I am seeing someone at the moment. He kind of waltz into my life, and he’s been so wonderful. Emphasize the “wonderful”, but frankly, I can’t tell what it may or may not be. I am trying to approach my dating life differently – take it slow while living in a fast city such as New York. And so far, it works for us.