the passionate musician

March 5, 2017

I went on my first date since my breakup this past weekend. The best part? We met a bar where I drunkly passed my phone to him, without uttering a word. He knew what to do – he added his digits.

And I left…

Initially before going into this date, I told myself I was ready. Parts of me feel completely ready to commit myself to someone else in addition to myself, but there is a tiny part of me that is afraid to go through the emotions that comes with a relationship – like the ugly and pretty, and all that shit. I know, I can’t have my cake and eat it, too. Plus, if I learned anything from my last relationship is that it ain’t always going to be rainbows and butterflies.

Not to say that I don’t know this – but I am just afraid to be vulnerable again. That is basically what I am trying to say. But this is natural for those who are going through post-break ups though, so my emotions are valid.

The date went well, and it was nice to be treated like a Princess. He’s an honest man, and he spoke with passion about his love for cooking and music. A passionate man is hella sexy.

The date was coming to a close, and that’s when I knew this is the last time I am ever going to see him. Simply because I didn’t feel that excitement post-date. You know, the whole smitten feels and non-stop thinking about you – a lot these thoughts, really. I didn’t get that – not even a tiny firework. It was like “meh.” In other words, I was not completely head over heels.

I relayed this to my close friends, and they say to give it another go. Everyone deserves a second chance, but I am not trying to waste his time if we don’t share the same frequency. Also note, I am not a woman who goes on a date for the free meals and drinks – I don’t roll that way, y’all. 

I learned my lesson from previous experiences very similar to this…and I am trying really hard about listening to my inner voice and practice what I’ve been preaching – staying true to myself.