ummm, hard pass

October 8, 2017

Last week, there was this reoccurring message that kept surfacing, and it made me think about what’s really happening –

NYMag published a piece about saying no. The Thrive Global also shared a piece about saying “no.”

And it got me thinking about my life and how many times I say “no.” I used to be the Yes Woman, and I was down for a lot of things. It was part of my intense yet easy-going personality in my early twenties. However, a shift happened…

I began to say “no” because the social engagements did not benefit me nor did I have the resources (money and time). I began to say no because I had responsibilities the next day. I began to say no because self-care was more important than to stay up to 4am aimlessly drunk.

Learning to say no and passing on events eventually got easy. It was the guilt that followed by a “no” or the “I feel bad if I don’t show face” that needed to be practiced. Though I have written about being unapologetic about who I am and what I want, I struggled to find the difference in this scenario.

If I don’t want to go out, then I shouldn’t feel bad, yet I did? Why? I am tired of hearing people, myself included, saying, “But I feel bad.” Why?

It is all baffling sorta.

So yeah, I’ve mastered with saying no or “hard pass” to family and friends. Now, I am learning to be unapologetic about my decision. It is going to take some effort and extra practice to cultivate this lack of emotion and be firm on my decisions when I pass on things, but all doable – I fucking hope.

While I am on this side of saying no, and if I am on the receiving end – when people reject me. I will not trouble them with the “why not” or “Come on.” I have to respect peoples’ decisions, too. It goes without saying, right? But I think we often forget to think of being in the other person’s shoes…

Anyway, just some weekend thoughts. Closing this post with some much needed positive energy:

“If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.”


I know it’s totally irrelevant to the overall story I just wrote about, but I need to type this and to remind myself this for personal reasons. Side bar – I also recommend you all to read the NYmag link I shared. It is quite noteworthy, and you all know I love sharing great reads.


PS: thank you, Tiffany for having this convo with me and helping me process out loud. Love you<3