a rotten tomato

November 23, 2017

As of late, my responses have been the same when people ask me how I’m doing.

I am stressed. 

I’m doing good. 

I am good – just exhausted. 

It sounds like this auto-generated response that has ingenuine, but that is literally how I am feeling inside. I am well, though.

You all know I have transitioned into a new role since my grand post about quitting the company that I was miserable in. As much as I enjoy the work that I am doing now and feeling more fulfilled in life, the work load is hefty. I work long hours and my headspace is very minimal for everything else.

I remind myself that I am in another completely field, in a mid-to-senior level role and imperative responsibilities, and during the Holiday season, it’s truly busy. I tell myself: this is only temporary, it will get better. As words of comfort.

It is not that I am not afraid of working hard – I have witnessed that from my mother my entire life.

I am just tired. I am starting to feel burned out...And I am only twenty-fucking-seven! I know, I know, I sound like a complete brat.

The real sad part is, I have been too tired and uninspired for my craft and life. To have that written makes me upset because I have always had this massive appetite for life and to feel “meh” is like…whoa, who am I? 

With writing, I have a couple of stories up my sleeve, but I haven’t had the time and be in the zone to put it into words and truly make that effort to do so.  A part of me feels guilty because I am bitching about how mentally exhausted I am most days, but if I prioritize my writing and craft, it can be done…

A pipe dream, I think. I know I am deliberately letting my passion slip away before me. Okay, that sounds more dramatic than what I mean, but you know what I mean. Even on Thanksgiving Holiday, my head is about work and how much I have to do before I get back on Monday.

Work has always been all-consuming for me. I think a lot of people my age who live in New York are the same way – fucking grinders and hustlers trying to make things happen for themselves. So maybe the way I am feeling is natural?

It got me thinking how do side-hustlers do it all? How do you maintain a day-job and still pursue your passions and dreams? All I can think of, lack of social and personal life, and no sleep. What is going to my sacrifice is the lead up question here…

Anyway – my closing thought is this question to you: how do you get inspired? I’d love to hear what y’all have to say and help me out. I need to get back on my fucking game.